Say what?!

Possibly one of the weirdest things anyone has ever said to me:




"Erin! I stuck a probe up _____'s butt and now I can't get it out!"

Yep... that was unexpected... but then again, looking at who it was coming from...

Wanna be...on... top?...*

With much encouragement over the years, I decided to try out for America's Next Top Model before I'm out of the age bracket. It was quite the experience. They allowed about 175 girls total try out. When I first got there, there was about 50 girls ahead of me in line. But over half got cut before we got to meet in front of the judges (not tall enough, too old, too young), and I was number 22. The crowd was for the most part what I had expected; girls in their late teens/early twenties freaking out, wondering if the pants they wore made their butt look big as they apply their lip gloss for the 12th time. We had to fill out a 15 page questionnaire. The question that freaked out most of the girls was "If you could be in any political office, what would it be?" Every girl that I talked to put secretary of defense, so they could stop the war. They asked me what I put, to which I replied "I see myself more as a lobbyist for something that was important to me than holding a political office." "Would you, like, answer phones?" But all the girls I talked to were really sweet and extremely nervous, so I did my best to entertain and encourage as we waited our turn. In groups of 10, we were brought into a practice room to prepare us for what was next. We did practice walks and poses, and we were told that we would be asked a question like "why should you be America's Next Top Model?" and "what's your best model feature?".

So when it was my turn, I went into the judges' room. There was three judges behind a table, a guy working the camera, a guy with a mic, and a girl who opens the door. I walked in, gave the judges my photos and questionnaire, introduced myself, and did my walk and poses. Then the guy handed me the mic for me to answer my question.
"What are the craziest things you have ever done?"
Thank God! Not a lame question! "Things or thing? Cuz I've done alot!" Here's me stalling to think of something quick...
"Just one would be fine."
"In high school, I played a lot of sports, and when we went on tournaments, in our free time, we would play games and dare each other to do dumb stuff. During our one volleyball tournament, we were stopping at Wal-Mart and my friends thought it would be funny to ask some random person how to use a tampon. I grabbed a box and walked up to a lady to was stocking a shelf and said, 'um... I have a question... this is kind of embarrassing, but... (I started talking really fast and hammed it up) I'm on a volleyball tournament and we wear those really tight shorts and I started my period and all I have are pads but I can't were those cuz it looks like I'm wearing a diaper so I need to wear tampons but I have no idea how to do that... could you help me do this?' I hand the box to the lady who looks at me with her mouth open, 'well...' I grab her by the hand and started walking towards the restroom, 'just come with me to the bathroom and show me how to use these things... it would really help me out!' The lady stood there, dumbfounded, 'um... i think there are instructions in the box...' 'Thank you so much!' And I grabbed the box from her, gave her a big hug and walked away. All my friends were rollin' in an aisle near by."
The judges were cracking up. I gave the mic back to the guy who said that was one of the funniest stories he has ever heard at one of these things. Unfortunately, I didn't get a call back. Sorry I letcha down, guys... at least my husband thinks I'm beautiful (sniff, sniff)...









*I'm glad that the sexual innuendos of their opening song are very subtle...

I’ve lost my skills…

Sooo, I use to rock the “opposite sex” skills and was quite clever in my come-backs, but since I got married and I predominantly work with women, I have not used those skills much and the following incident shows great decline in my ability.

There is this guy that works at Maryville that I have had a “school girl” crush on from the day I stepped on campus five years ago. (Yes, Tyler knows and we are working through it. ;) Though we have shot each other glances over those five glorious years, we have only spoken to each other twice. First time was in the cafeteria and it was pouring outside and I was completely soaked from head to toe, and he sarcastically said “It’s a little wet outside,” and I cleverly reply, “… yep…” and walked away. Unfortunately I didn’t redeem myself in our second encounter.

Once again, we bumped into each other in the cafeteria. He was in front of me in line to pay and after paying, he went to the other side of the cafeteria where they make specialty foods. I headed in the opposite direction where they have to usually cafeteria food. I was using the plastic picker-upper thingy to get a hamburger, and unaware that he got in line behind me, he scared the crap out of me as he asked if I have ever tried the turkey burgers. Being completely caught off guard, I threw the picker-upper thingy in the air and it landed about two feet away from me. Unfortunately, my humiliation didn't end there. Acting ever so nonchalant like throwing plastic picker-upper thingies was a norm for me, I picked it back up and replied, “no… I prefer hamburgers…”
“Really? How come?”
“I like that they’re…uh…[loss of words, think of something quick!]... meaty…er…?”
"Oh..."
What the heck was that?! I like hamburgers cuz they’re meatier?! Sounds like a bad pick-up line; Yeah, I like them meatier, I’m a girl who can handle a lot of meat, if you caught my drift… After saying that, I just kinda paused in disbelief that those words came from my mouth, put the picker-upper thingy back, avoided eye contact and walked away. Real smooth, Erin… real smooth…

Penis theft panic hits city...

My sister wrote a blog about this article, and I had to share! It's so freakin' funny that I had to look up the article to make sure it's legit; here's the link. The last line of the article is perfect!

Penis theft panic hits city...

By Joe Bavier, Wed. Apr. 23

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.

"It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

(Editing by Nick Tattersall and Mary Gabriel)

Maybe it's our marriage...

Last night, Tyler and I woke up around 4am-ish to our house shaking (by the way, I'm married now, I'll blog about that some other time). In a surprisingly calm and chill-lax manner, this was our following conversation:

"Hey... is this an earthquake?"
"No... couldn't be."
"How are you so sure?"
"It would be a lot stronger."
"Nu-uh! Earthquakes have different levels, you don't even feel some earthquakes."
"...Nope..."
"How do you know? Have you ever been in an earthquake?"
"... no... but I was in the movie Tremors..."
"...maybe it's our marriage..."

We both laughed, made some jokes about Kevin Bacon and our marriage being on shaky ground, and then went back to sleep. We had a 5.2 earthquake. Really not as exciting as I hoped one would be. I don't know what people from California complain about... whooses...

Nurses don't make good public speakers...

One thing that really sucks about nursing is the fact that even though I graduate with a nursing degree, it doesn't mean that I am a nurse. I first have to pass a test that was made to break the spirit and denounce your knowledge. Luckily, I passed! Two points for me! And I love my job! Two more points, and with a total of 4, I'm having a pretty good day!

But I remember a day this past semester that wasn't so good. Our professors thought it would be a great "learning experience" if we went to Nurses' Lobby Day in Jefferson City (which is couple of hours from St. L). That also happened to be the day there was that huge blizzard, and unfortunately we were already down there when it started ("fortunately" the school paid for a hotel for us, but that's a different story... nursing students are crazy...). The day consisted of getting tons of free stuff from nurse recruiters (yeah!) and sitting and listening for hours to different nurses lecture about the importance of being involved in government and different bills they were wanting passed related to nursing (nah...). But I realized something that day: nurses don't make good public speakers. What were they wanting passed? I don't remember. But I do remember two things said that day by two different speakers.
~"Everything that happens in life is controlled by the legislators; everything from what happens in your bedroom to what you put in your mouth..." I was taking a sip of water when the speaker said this, and I about spit it everywhere and died laughing! And my friend looked at me and said, "dude, did she just say that?!" Our government is a lot stronger that I thought! The speaker was trying to emphasis the importance of government on our everyday life, but I think someone should have proof-read through her lecture notes. And linking those two situations was not a wise choice; it leaves a lot open to interpretation...
~"Now don't put porn on that." A different speaker says to a student as she hands the student a 1 gig zipdrive prize for answering a question or something. This was done in front of about 500 people at this event, including some Amish people. The look on the student's face was priceless and the whole place was quiet. I, once again, lost it! It was so wrong, yet so funny!


Here are some pictures, once again, from grad. My older sis took these; they made me laugh.

Here's me saying, "See those obnoxiously loud people waving and acting like the paparazzi with the cameras? That's my family."

About to head down to get my diploma...

After I got my diploma...

Not paying attention during the ceremony now that I have my diploma...

Me, rocking out the graduation...

I finally freakin' did it!

Many of you may be wondering "what happened to Erin?" due to my lack of blogs. But no worries, I still here and I still care. I was just finishing up my last semester. After seven long years of undergrad, I am finally done. Well, with that phase, at least. I'm going back for my masters in Nursing Educations, so soon you can call me "Professor Erin". But for now, I gladly respond to "Nurse Erin". I got a job working part-time at Ranken Jordan, which is a non-profit childrens hospital in St. Louis, and I will be working with kids that have long-term problems. Also, I will "probably" be working part-time at Maryville University as a clinical assistant, educating and testing nursing students, and it pays for my masters (woo-hoo!). It's a "probably" because I have to pass boards before they can say I have the job; so keep your fingers crossed! It's kinda corny, but I get so excited telling people that I am a nurse when asked about my occupation. Hopefully I'll still feel that way years down the road!

You may be wondering, "why Erin, are those cords you are wearing?" Yep, I belong to Sigma Theta Tau, International Nursing Honor Society. I joined so I could look smart.

Opened eyes are so overrated in pictures.

Why the thumbs up? I graduated cum laude and I won the "Excellence in Nursing" award. All that butt-kissin' worked!


Here's me shaking the hand of some guy I don't know, who I guess is important to my school in some way. I could really care less, I just want my diploma and not fall like the girl in front of me did... tee-hee-hee...